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“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Wayne Dyer
This quote from Wayne Dyer feels like it was written just for me. Today I wanted to share an update about what’s been going on with me personally over the last year or so. Some of you know bits and pieces of my story, but this is the first time I’ve sat down and written it all out.
The last year has been amazing. Full of all sorts of ups and downs, lessons learned, new paths discovered, and growth for myself both personally and professionally, as well as growth within my marriage and friendships.
This post got really long, but here it goes. If you stay until the end, thank you! <3
How It All Started…
In September 2015, I had an epiphany.
It was time for major change in my life. It was time to dig deep and unpack some old emotional baggage. It was time to undergo some serious mental healing. And, it was time to finally figure out what my true calling was.
It all sounds so dramatic, like something out of a movie, but it happened and it’s a moment I will never forget.
I have not really opened up publicly about the personal struggles I’ve had with body image, disordered eating, and depression. For the most part, I’ve kept these parts of me very hidden, not only from you guys but from my closest family and friends too.
There is a lot of shame and embarrassment that comes with these types of struggles and that tends to keep people quiet. It seemed far easier for me to talk about dealing with autoimmune disease than to talk about these more “taboo” and intimate subjects.
By the middle of 2015, I was growing more and more uncomfortable with where I was in my life and the weight of these hidden issues were really starting to wear me down.
Like a lot.
I felt trapped, constantly melancholy about everything (even when my life was pretty darn awesome), unfulfilled, and completely lost.
I was so fearful of making the wrong decision, no matter how great or small, that I just stopped making decisions on where my life was going.
Fear was running the show, not me.
Deep down, I knew that I had the capability to live a life I really loved, to work a career that got me excited to get out of bed every morning, to achieve the deeper level of healing I had been searching for, and to have a better marriage and friendships.
I just didn’t know how to get there.
And when I would try to take a step forward, I would get sucked back into old, destructive mindsets and habits.
Change felt impossible and overwhelmingly scary.
As a matter of fact, I often wondered why I was so broken and how on earth I’d ever be “fixed”.
But that particular September day, I awoke and immediately knew that I had to make some changes. It was now or never.
I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert:
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”
That is exactly where I was. Sick of my own bullshit. Tired of watching my life pass me by and tired of feeling lost and alone.
The fear of digging deep was replaced by recognition that the discomfort of this new journey would be far less painful than staying where I currently was.
Personal growth was, for me, a matter of life and death. So, I got busy.
I started spending a lot of time reflecting on where I was and how I got there, I started reading tons of personal development books, I started dreaming about what I wanted for my life.
I began focusing on yoga and meditation again, started taking regular walks, began praying and journaling. And then a constant craving for understanding started to propel me forward.
I started reaching into the darkest parts of my soul to unearth the meanings behind my destructive behaviors and poor mindset. I really started to dig deep and discovered a lot of really interesting things from my past that have impacted me far deeper than I ever imagined.
(this is the place where it got reeeeeeeeeally uncomfortable)
Along the way, I started working with a coach and this was what REALLY took my emotional healing to a new level.
For the longest time, I thought that if I only read one more book, one more blog post, watched one more video, I would unlock the key to “fixing” my problems.
But that never happened. While I was able to make a lot of progress on my own, I reached a point where I knew I had to have some outside help. I simply could not go any further on my own.
Investing in a coach was the best money I’ve ever spent. I’ve worked with her twice this year (for 2-3 months at a time) and know that I will likely work with her more in the future.
I am happy to report that I am a totally different person today than I was a year ago. I am a work in progress, but the progress I have made so far is a work of art.
When I reflect back on certain parts of my life, it is incredible for me to see the shift that has been made. Every day I am grateful for where I am and where I have been. And every day there is a little celebration knowing that I am no longer miserable and no longer watching my life pass me by.
Finding My Calling…
Working with my coach not only helped me get the results I was seeking personally, but it made me realize that this was the work I wanted to do. THIS was my calling.
I always knew I wanted to help people, but I never knew in what capacity. Until now.
It sparked a new passion in me, unlike anything I’ve ever had before. I desire to truly help other women who have been dealing with issues surrounding body image, self-care, disordered eating, mindset issues, etc.
I have spent well over a decade waiting on the “right” time for me to start enjoying life and embracing every moment that comes to me. So, rather than actively participating in every single aspect of my life, I sat on the sidelines and watched it pass by.
I have spent a lot of time in the darkness and now I’ve stepped into the light. I want nothing more than to help other women do the same.
Where I’m Going From Here
I am SO unbelievably excited to share that I was just accepted into the Institute for the Psychology of Eating’s coach certification program. I start in March and will be studying all things nutrition (with a mind-body-soul focus), psychology, and personal growth/development.
I am so excited about this decision and for the first time in a long time, it just feels right. My heart is bursting with joy and anticipation to start my studies and see where this new path takes me.
I am going to be spending a lot more time researching and writing about things like mindset, mental health/healing, disordered eating, body image, relationships, self-care, personal development, and more.
I am taking a very whole body, whole mind approach to health now and that goes further than just what we put in our mouths, on our skin, or even our lifestyle.
I’ve worked with countless practitioners over the years and only one of them ever brought up how important our mindset is to our physical healing. I reached a point in my own healing journey where I had the nutrition and lifestyle aspects down pat… but my mental health was still suffering and I was not in the place I wanted to be.
I feel like there is currently a big gap for a lot of people when it comes to addressing the mental aspects of healing and I am looking forward to doing my very small part to help fill that void.
I do see an awareness of this growing among my colleagues and industry and I am really excited to see how things shift over the next few years. It’s really exciting.
Thank you for reading to this point and thank you for all the support over the years. I am really excited about this new direction and being able to not only further my own healing, but help other women do the same.
Further Reading & Resources
If you are interested in reading what I’ve written so far, here are some links for you:
- Discovering Purpose Through Transformation
- Why I’m On a Mission to Inspire Women to Step Into Their Most Vibrant Lives
- A Matter of Life and Death
- If You Don’t Love the Journey, You Won’t Love the Destination
- Your Body is NOT a Project to be Improved
- You’re So Fat
If you’re ready to say goodbye to the years of feeling out of control and compulsive around food (resulting in body shame) and shift into a place of peace and freedom then I can help. Come join my 7-day Food & Body Freedom eCourse (it’s free!) here. This eCourse came from my passion for helping women transform their relationships to food and body. What you desire IS truly possible if you are ready, open, and willing. It is time to say goodbye to the years of control, compulsive behaviors, limiting beliefs, scarcity of joy, and actions driven from a place of fear and feelings of unworthiness, once and for all. Learn more and sign up here.