A Matter of Life and Death

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.” -Kaci Diane

This quote was so powerful to me the first time I read it. The first thing that popped into my mind was a moment earlier this year when my transformation coach and I spoke for the first time.

She asked me how important it was, on a scale of 1-10, for me to hire a coach at this point in my life.

I replied to her, “It’s a matter of life and death.”

That may seem really dramatic, but it really was for me. Now, please don’t worry. I never was, or ever have been, suicidal.

For me, it was more of fear that one day I will wake up on my deathbed and feel that I wasted my life. That I didn’t live it to my fullest potential. That I’ll look back on my life with regret.

I have spent so many years being unhappy with my life, my body, my health, and everything else. Even when life was good, I would still have this nagging feeling of melancholy, dissatisfaction, and lack of purpose.

I was constantly getting caught up in the “what ifs,” the unknowns, worries of the future, worries that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough. Enough this, enough that, enough everything.

I watched my life pass me by while I stood in the shadows and let fear control my choices.

I let fear make my decisions for me.

I missed out on opportunities because I was always too timid to do anything that could seem risky.

My relationship with my husband suffered. I was not living my most authentic life; therefore, I was unable to communicate with him in the way he so desperately needed me to. I am thankful that he loved me enough to put up with my bullsh*t for so many years. <3

I was sick and tired of looking in the mirror and not liking who I was.

I was tired of feeling ashamed of having a chronic illness. And, I was tired of allowing my chronic illness to define me.

I was tired of thinking and saying mean things to my body.

I was tired of being a Type-A control freak. The more control I tried to place on my life, the more out of control I felt.

So, at that moment when my coach asked me the importance of transformation, I broke down. When I responded that it was a matter of life and death, I hadn’t rehearsed that. I hadn’t even had that thought enter my mind.

Until she asked.

Transformation wasn’t a luxury for me — it was a requirement. It was a conscious choice I made to put myself first and really dig deep. To fight for the woman I knew was buried deep inside me.

Even if it was scary. And even if it would hurt.

Change does not happen overnight. Fighting for yourself is difficult because we live in a world that is constantly bombarding us with messages that make us question our worth.

But you ARE worth fighting for.

Investing in myself and working with a coach was the best decision I ever made. It was the best money I ever spent. I literally feel like a different person today. My relationship with my husband is so much better. And, the relationship with myself is so much better, too.

This transformation has been hard. It has been emotional beyond words. It has been frustrating and overwhelming at times. I am far from having “mastered” my “issues.” But I am cultivating awareness on a level that I never have before.

I am finally stepping into the light and into the vibrant woman I was meant to be. And it has inspired me and given me the purpose that I had sought for so long. I am now driven to help other women do the same — step into the light and into their most vibrant lives.

I do not want women to waste years, and even decades, of their life being unhappy. Struggling with who they are and what value they bring to the world. Dealing with body shame, eating disorders, unresolved issues from the past, self-loathing, and all the rest of the things I see women struggling with. Things I’ve struggled with.

You bring more to the world than you know.

You are strong. You are beautiful.

And you are worthy.

Deep inside you, there is a woman just clawing to get out. And you will love that person when she is released.

Because you fought to become her.

If you are ready to finally make peace with food, body, and health, I would love to invite you to join my 7-day Food & Body Freedom eCourse. It’s completely free and will introduce you to a whole new world of food, body, and health freedom. Discover how to finally make peace with the scale, learn to love your body, and reclaim your energy so you can approach health and life from a truly grounded and empowered place. Join us for free here. I can’t wait to see you in the course. ❤